SSDD. (Same shit, different day.)

Time Traveler’s Log

Yesterday, I had another time travel seizure. Fortunately, nowadays, they’re much more rare. Unfortunately, because they’re so rare, they really shake me when they happen. If we’re friends on FB, you’ve already read most of this section, but I wanted to blog it so I don’t lose it and because there are a lot of folks who are not on FB who I think will appreciate it.

Sometime around 2 p.m. yesterday, I had a complex seizure. I woke up very confused. I had no idea where I was. The last thing I could remember was going to sleep next to Chris in my apartment in Boston in 2000. This laptop was open on my lap, though, open to Facebook, and according to the computer, it was 2014. I didn’t recognize my apartment, my pets, or the name next to my picture.

I clicked my picture. The page it surfed to (my timeline) had a name on it that I recognized (Rachael Shapiro) and it said that I was married to someone named Adam, so I messaged him but he didn’t type back. It also said I had a webpage, so I visited it and got very confused about why I would be writing about MS, seizure disorder, or the paleo diet. I read several entries and felt bad for whoever wrote them. (guh.) I saw on the FB page that it said I had gone to law school. That’s when I decided I was clearly having a bad dream.

I looked all over the apartment and couldn’t find a telephone, and Adam’s timeline page didn’t have his phone number anyway. The TV was playing the same 3 songs over and over again. (I now know I had been having several seizures and in an attempt to stop time travel from occurring, had set up Spotify to play my post-ictal playlist. There were 3 songs there that were supposed to make me remember when I am. It failed. Last night, we added several more songs.)

The next thing I knew, this thing that looks like a TV but that’s the same size as a deck of cards started playing the same music over and over again. I couldn’t make it stop. I kept pushing the green button on the screen that looked like a telephone, but nothing happened. I kept shouting, “Hello?” “Pick up.” “Answer.” and nothing happened. I pushed on the green button again and slid my finger in the direction of the arrows (towards the red button), and that worked. Surprise! It’s a phone. (?!?)

Nearly 24 hours later, I still feel stupid for not recognizing it as a phone.

Adam assured me that this was not a bad dream and walked me through using a program that looks a lot like WinAmp (apparently Spotify) to find a song that helped some of my memories come back. “Call Me Maybe” was the song that worked. I immediately remembered being on I-55 on the way back to Nick’s house after a neurology appointment.

Eventually, my memories came back to bring me up to date. I hate that sort of confusion.

Making Time Travel Easier

In an effort to curb some of the absolute terror that I feel when I go through this stuff, I wrote myself an email. I’m going to post it here too, just in case I end up on this site before I end up on email. Here it is!

Hey, me!

This is Past Rachael, with an important message for Future (present) Rachael.

First of all, everything is okay. I know you’re feeling sick and panicked, but everything will be alright if you read through this email and react calmly.

I’ve been through this situation so many times before that I wanted to find an easier/better way to handle things. I decided to write this to let you know what’s going on and how to get through it! These are things that I know you will want to know if you just woke up, and you’re really confused about where you are, how you got there, and/or how you look.

1.) This is not a dream. You had a seizure! You were not in a car accident, and nobody beat you up. Do you feel like someone hit you upside the back of your head with a 2×4? Are you either super sick at your stomach and think you’re going to puke or super hungry and panicky about it? Those things are completely normal when you’ve just had a complex seizure. Take a few deep breaths and keep reading.

2.) Call your husband, Adam.

You will not find a regular old-school telephone anywhere in your apartment. You do have a cell phone.

It looks like this:
Samsung_Exhibit_II_4G_sidebyside_610x581
It has a purple rubber cover on it, and is about the size of a deck of cards. It’s usually on the arm of the couch, charging. Sometimes, you accidentally leave it in your jacket pocket.

Press the button on the right hand side of the phone, and the screen will light up. Press your finger on the screen and move it to the side, and you should see a home screen. If that’s not what you see, press the little house icon on the bottom of the phone. A screen that looks like a desktop should appear.

Click on the “Phone” icon. It will bring up a dialer program. You can either type in Adam’s number and then press the green phone icon to dial, or you can press and hold down the number 2 and speed dial will dial him for you.

Don’t trust me that your husband’s name is Adam? Think you’re either too young to get married or that you’re still married to Chris? That’s post-ictal (after-seizure) confusion messing with your mind.

You’ve been with Adam since 2006. (That would be 7 years as of the writing of this email.) He was in the room, holding your hand, both times when you were diagnosed — first with multiple sclerosis, and second with seizure disorder. He knows your illnesses better than you do, and he loves you deeply. No one on the face of the planet will be able to offer you more comfort, support, or direction than he will.

Adam and I’ve been through this kind of confusion together a ton of times. You can trust me about who you’re married to and who is safe because I’m you!

Not convinced? Doubting that this is real? Still feeling like calling a “stranger” is a bad idea? Call Mom! She is always speed dial #5 on your phone. Follow the instructions that are above and press and hold down 5 to get Mom. She will probably be a bit upset by the news, and she might get flustered when it happens, but she knows what’s going on. Odds are, she will call Adam immediately if you haven’t already.

Can’t get in touch with Adam or Mom over the phone? EMAIL THEM. You’ve been using webmail since Shadowscape, so I’m hoping you don’t need directions.

To make life even easier on you right now, I added them to the email you will find in your Inbox (It’s the same as what you’re reading!) as recipients so that you just have to “reply to all” on that email, and you’ll get in touch with both of them. It doesn’t get a lot easier than that.

3.) Listen to some music that might jog your memory. I’d say “Turn on Spotify and pull up the post-ictal playlist” but that’s a lot of work for someone who doesn’t know what’s going on. Our TV setup is not simple.

Here are some links to songs that ought to make everything easier.

Click here to listen to “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jespen.¬†¬†This song has a strong association in your mind. It usually brings you back up to 2012. If you’ve got that knowledge, it’s a lot easier to do more to help yourself because you understand what’s going on with your body and why you’re in Chicago. (Yes, you’re in Chicago.)

Click here to listen to “Timber” by Pitbull & Ke$ha. This admittedly annoying song usually brings you back to November 2013. Your brain’s not messing with you. You *do* have a cardiologist now. You’re following a diet and exercising regularly to treat hypertension.

Click here to listen to “Happy” by Pharell Williams. If we’re lucky, this will bring you back to February of 2014. That’s where I am right now.

4.) Treat your pain. Look around at the coffee table and the boxes under it. Do you have any marijuana? If so, it will probably be in one of those orange prescription pill containers to keep it airtight. If you can, pack yourself a bowl and smoke it. It will help your headache, your stomach ache, and your anxiety. Seriously.

I know it probably sounds crazy, considering how anti-drug you were raised, but it really is a good idea to smoke some weed. Multiple doctors (reputable psychiatrists and neurologists!) have actually prescribed this for you. You’re not doing anything wrong by smoking it. You’ve got MS and a seizure disorder, and it’s good medicine for both.

5.) Relax. Just find a couch and chill. There’s honestly nothing you can do right now, other than what I’ve listed above, that will be helpful in any capacity, so it’s not worth fretting about. Nothing bad will happen if you don’t clean.

Other important things:
This is not a punishment of any kind. God does not hate you. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. Don’t take a bath. It might feel like a good idea, but getting overheated is dangerous for you.

I hope this helps!

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