There’s been a lot going on recently that has been anxiety-producing…an unusual amount of mass murder, a trainwreck of a political circus, and, of course, personal stuff.  There are so many things that I would change if I could. The inherent unfairness of life weighs on my spirit.  I desperately want to help make the world a better place — or at least a kinder one… but I am one Rachael. I can only do so much.

I cannot:

• Stop complete strangers from shooting, stabbing, or running over people.
• End systemic racism.
• Fix end-stage capitalism or neo-feudalism.
• Make the geopolitical landscape either make sense or work the way that I want it to.
• Force anybody’s political ideals or morals to match my own.
• Make any decisions about American domestic or foreign policy.
• Disarm all the nuclear bombs in the world.
• Make teething less painful for my son.
• Force the higher-ups at anyone’s place of employment to make wise decisions for the health and morale of their workers.
• Make it any easier or more fun for anyone to look for a job.
• Know whether or not the estriol treatment is having a positive effect on my MS.
• Know whether or not it would be more beneficial for me to get back on Copaxone or if I should try to convince my neurologist to let me try Lemtrada or Ocrevus… or if I should just keep doing Vitamin D and estriol.
• Know when the optimal time actually is to have a second child. (I have been thinking about this particular question way too much recently.)
• Make Humana stop messing up my medical billing from over a year ago.
• Make the muscles in my arms and legs stop randomly, painfully spasming (though cannabis does a good job of quieting it down for a few hours at a time)
• Cure MS or seizure disorder… or any other medical condition, for that matter.
• Blow thousands of dollars and hire a full staff.  All I want is a maid, a gardener, a contractor to renovate our home, a nanny, a full-time driver, and an on-call masseuse, so that I can get all the things done that I feel need to be done. Totally reasonable, right?

Panic and despair don’t help anything, and no one else can “fix” life either.

I recognize that I’m not helpless to be at the effect of these worries and situations.

I can:

• Meditate and let the fear pass.
• Exercise.
• Take all my prescribed medicines as scheduled.
• Talk with my therapist when I need to.
• Hold my baby tight, love him with all my heart, and teach him to be compassionate to himself and others.
• Do as much housework as possible to help relieve some stress for my husband while also showing myself in a clear way that I make a visible difference in the world around me.
• Make healthy food choices for my family.
• Comfort friends who are sad.
• Find a way to compliment or show appreciation to every person I talk to.
• Make music and art.
• Share my experiences so that others who face similar challenges don’t feel so alone.
• Be an ally, an advocate, and involve myself in the community
• Do my best to both give myself credit for what I already do and still be ambitious.
• Choose optimism.
• Focus on gratitude.
• Consciously look for the good in life.
• Remember that I don’t have to read my FB newsfeed like it’s my part-time job. I don’t need to internalize anyone else’s stress.

My mantra for the last few weeks has been this, and it’s serving me very well: