A Ragtime For the Bedraggled

I just wrote some lyrics. I’m gonna post em here – so I guess it’s more of a poem for y’all, since I haven’t recorded any sound with it. It’s about MS. I’m in a bit of pain at the moment: achy all over, tired, and I was thinking about how hard some of us work (at least I know I have at times) to be super happy and present — it’s about like putting on a Vaudeville act. I started hearing ragtime music in my head, and this is what came out.

A Ragtime For The Bedraggled

Silent inner predator,
It’s as though you are the
p h y s i c a l
manifestation of my
seething self hatred;
And I think
now that I’ve
Gotten it
Under Control
You Should Be Tooooo…

[:You should cooperate.
Why don’t you just play nice?
You seem to be the only part of me
that don’t know how. (ba-dump ba-dump!)

And maybe that’s why you devour me.
It’s cause I’m so sweet!
Well maybe I’ll never get that
Under Control,
But I will get you.
OooooooOoooooooOooOoo…. :]

Theme Song – “Dare You to Move”

Well, today in the Health Activists’ Monthly Awareness Challange, I’m supposed to come up with a theme song for my blog.

This is challenging, for many reasons, but primarily because the focus of my blog is so splintered. I talk about MS, seizure disorder, the paleo diet, the Tao de Ching, and my life… but the focus of the blog is supposed to be about living well with any disorder.

Those of us with chronic illness are constantly doing the best we can.

I think I’d have to choose Switchfoot’s “Dare You to Move” as this blog’s theme song. It talks about picking yourself off the floor, which so many of us with MS and seizure disorder and depression have to do on a regular basis. It’s all about fighting against the negative and continuing forward.

I hope you enjoy it.

Well… that was awkward, but necessary.

So, earlier this week, I set up an audition with a band who is looking for a female vocalist. (yay! right?)

Or I *was* trying out for a band as of last night. I’m not sure if they still want me now that they know that I have a seizure disorder. They acted like it’s no big deal, but it felt like a horribly big deal letting them know that the reason I can’t drive is because sometimes I shake uncontrollably.

*sigh* And that wouldn’t be such a big deal if I weren’t auditioning to be the front person for a band. But what does being a front person mean? It means being in front of a lot of flashing lights. It means cameras flashing. It means strobe lights flashing on stage — the same ones that made me go into a simple partial seizure the other day on the table at the doctor’s office, even with meds in my system.

It means I’m fooling myself, thinking that I can be a stage performer that tries to “make it” anymore. And that’s a hard truth that I have to accept. Maybe I can be in a cover band that plays for fun, but that’s about it… and it sucks to admit it.

But it doesn’t mean that I can’t song-write, because I already do that anyway.

So now, I just have to figure out how to get a new Mac so I can record my songs in demo form in Garageband and those songs to the right people.

And I might know a couple of the right people, come to think of it…

Ah, music publishing: where all the big money really is, anyway, coming in 5.3 cents at a time, even though it really should be 7.1 cents at a time… I never stop being glad I that studied you.

Paleo Pad Thai, Kittens, & New Help – Looks Like a Good Day To Me.

Today is going to be a good day. I’ve determined that already, even if it’s going to be work to get there.

1.) I have my first appointment with a new psychologist — the one I’ve been waiting 4 months to see.  I’m excited about that.  Excited, because I do, genuinely, need, deserve, and want the help… but I can’t honestly say that I’m looking forward to going through my entire life story with another stranger-who-cares.  It’s damn painful to go through all the muck.

2.) Today, I’m going to apply with the Romeoville Humane Society today to be a kitten foster momma again!  I have been missing kittens like crazy ever since we moved from Burbank. It’s like a gaping hole of love missing in my life, not having kittens around to care for. Nothing makes me feel more capable, or like I make a positive difference in the world like helping to rescue sweet baby cats, and training them to be good companion animals. It also helps me not feel so alone at home.

3.) I keep finding new music that I like on YouTube.  Like this group… The Pretty Reckless.

4.) I keep finding new paleo recipe sites with great recipes! Here! Allow me to share one that sounds freaking AMAZING, Paleo Pad Thai – courtesy of The Clothes Make The Girl

Paleo Pad Thai

Ingredients, per person
1 cup cooked spaghetti squash
1/2 cup snap peas, slivered
1/4 onion, sliced thin
1/3 c. grilled chicken thigh or breast, diced
1 egg, scrambled with 1 t coconut aminos
coconut oil
1 batch sunshine sauce

Sunshine Sauce (w/out water)
2 tablespoons Sunbutter (organic Sunbutter contains ONLY roasted sunflowers seeds)
1 tablespoon lime juice
1/2 clove garlic, crushed
1/2 teaspoon chili-garlic paste
1 teaspoon coconut aminos
2 tablespoons coconut milk
pinch dried ginger

-Blend all ingredients in blender or food processor to make Sunshine Sauce!


  1. Heat some coconut oil in a pan over medium-high heat; I use about 1 teaspoon. Sauté the onion and snap peas until crisp-tender. Not too long! Then set aside.
  2. Heat a little more coconut oil in the pan. Pour in the egg and let it spread out into pancake. Cook until the egg is set and beginning to brown, then flip to lightly brown the other side. Cut the egg into strips and set aside.
  3. Heat a little more coconut oil in the pan. Add the spaghetti squash, snap peas/onions, egg, and chicken. Stir fry ’til heated through.
  4. Add the sunshine sauce and stir fry until everything is well-blended and hot.
  5. Top with any or all of these:
    chopped cashews, almonds, or sunflower seeds
    chopped scallions
    chopped cilantro
    a squeeze of lime juice

I hope that this entry helps raise your spirits. Just writing it has helped raise mine. 🙂