It’s been 2 months since my last post.
In part, it’s because I spend a truly absurd amount of time scrolling my Facebook timeline. I’m not sure I’m not just stimming half the time. The other half of the time, I’m 100% sure that I’m helping people — most of whom, I will never meet.
For folks who aren’t savvy about stimming — it’s a term that describes repetitive behavior (usually physical) that acts as a psychological soothing mechanism. It’s typically discussed in connection with autism, but it’s also totally common in other non-neurotypical situations. For example, fidgeting/leg-bouncing and ADHD go together like PB and J. Personally, I remember threats from teachers in high school about my near-constant unconscious tapping. (Not saying all drummers naturally stim, but…) I definitely struggled with anxiety, depression, and perfectionism during those years, so learning that I was stimming that whole time was a bit of a revelation. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been neurotypical, and the more time I spend in online support groups for parents of gifted children, the more likely it seems to me that stimming is just as common to folks whose minds are constantly active as it is for folks whose minds force them to shut down.
Speaking of gifted children… another part of why I haven’t been writing is because I’m busy mommying. Henry’s 4 now, and we’re in full-swing on this whole homeschooling thing. We watch a lot of educational stuff on YouTube, read a ton of books (him reading to me almost as much as I read to him), and he plays so many games. Dragonbox Numbers goes perfectly with BBC’s Numberblocks, btw. Writing Wizard pairs brilliantly with a Magna Doodle. Monkey Word School Adventure (or any of the Monkey Preschool series) goes very nicely with Mommy getting to wash the dishes or take a shower in peace. Of course, New Super Mario Wii & Wario Land Shake It! are no slouches in that department either.
But, perhaps the biggest reason that I haven’t been writing is because somewhere along the lines, I got this misguided, toxic notion that this blog is nothing more than narcissism, and that writing about my life is both self-indulgent and not particularly helpful to anyone but me. That shame spiral kept me real quiet and outwardly focused.
I have repeatedly considered taking this whole blog down and saving a copy of it, just in case I felt like reading it when I’m old, like I did with my LiveJournal (which, btw, is on a laptop I used during law school that I cannot get into because I cannot, for the life of me, remember my password. Oops.), but something always makes me hesitate.
Then, this past weekend, I got the notifications that I’d paid for re-upping the domain name and yearly domain pointing on WordPress, and was contacted by a total stranger who told me that my writing about MS and the ketogenic diet had positively influenced her. I thought that was pretty cool.
So, in the spirit of not being wasteful of money, thoughts, or opportunity, I’m going to make a real effort to write and remain both hopeful and vulnerable here. Thanks in advance for your patience with me while I dust off my digital quill and try to get out of my own head.