Chilling

When I was in law school, what seems like a million years ago, we talked, in Constitutional Law about how bad public policy can have a chilling effect on speech.  At the time, I scratched my head, and thought that it would take an awful lot to shut me up…

But it hasn’t.  Or maybe it has, and I’m just minimizing things.

All it’s taken for me to stop writing in my own blog, explaining the day-to-day goings on of my life, my thoughts, my hopes, and my desires for the future, is the knowledge that there’s unwarranted wiretaps all around me and that my husband needs a new job.

I had to scrub my LinkedIn profile to get rid of any references to my blog or any work I’ve done in the MS community. I am legitimately thinking of deleting this blog in its entirety because I don’t want my diseases (and my honesty about them) to stop him from being able to get a new gig.

His current employment situation has become…untenable.

On the bright side, I completely conquered my suicidal thinking, after confronting some repressed memories, and I’m sort of experiencing a rebirth of self. It’s frustrating and beautiful and painful and cathartic.

There’s a lot going on here behind the scenes.  I mean a LOT a lot. But I can’t talk about any of it — because I am afraid of the potential consequences of sharing.

So, I’ll just be over here… chilling.

Hope you’re well.

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