Yesterday, I checked back in with my gastroenterologist.  I left with an order for an ultrasound of my gallbladder (which will happen tomorrow), a prescription for Xifaxin, and a big Ziploc bag filled with small containers that I had to fill with my poop this morning.

Insert Crappy Jokes Here

My dad taught me from a very early age that rule #1 is that farts are funny. By extrapolation, the fact that I have to submit 5 stool samples is hilarious to me.  Unfortunately, the actual process of creating them was less funny. I’d write more about it, but to be completely honest, I’m just glad it’s done.

Lookin out for #1.

On Monday, I’m scheduled to collect urine all day long for an endocrinologist appointment. I’ve got to contact the office and make sure that the Xifaxin won’t affect anything.  I’ve already rescheduled with them once, moving the date from March to May. At this point, I’m kind of wondering if my health is ever going to cooperate enough for someone to look at my hormones and fix the things that are very obviously wonky.

The worst part about working with BodyLogicMD in this situation is that I had to pay $200 up front, just for the privilege of going in for labs before I meed with the doctor (who charges more than $500 for the visit and doesn’t file insurance paperwork).  I’m halfway tempted to just call it a loss and contact an endocrinologist who works in the same medical group as my primary care physician.  I need to find a new cardiologist out by me too, and they have that in the same place. On the one hand, I love that Advocate Medical has a one-stop shop just up the road from me… on the other, I am not a huge fan of my new PCP.

I survived another meeting that could have been an email.

Last time Dr. Williams and I saw each other, I wanted to smack her for calling me in for a visit that could have been a 2 minute telephone conversation and instead was a 45 minute wait for a 5 minute visit where she got visibly annoyed with me for asking her whether or not Lipitor was okay to take while pregnant, since I was concerned at the time that I might be pregnant.

Doctors should be able to answer, quickly, whether or not a drug is ok to be taken during pregnancy… but she couldn’t tell me and acted annoyed that I asked her to look it up. And when I asked her if I would have to be on a statin the rest of my life, she responded, “You don’t ever have to take any medicine!”  which was not remotely helpful in answering my query.  I needed to know if high cholesterol is another chronic ailment that I need to add to my list.

Of course, this is the kind of thinking that happens when you’ve been racking up comorbidities for years and have a sense of humor about you.  I mean, her nurse said during our first visit that just because I said I have MS and seizure disorder doesn’t mean I really do, and that they needed proof from my neurologist. (HIPPA is so important, but such a pain in the ass.) If I didn’t laugh heartily then, I would have cried.

So, now I’m trying to figure out if I should take the time to try another primary care physician at a different close-by medical group (which is a huge pain in the ass considering the multiple conditions that need to be explained and to have HIPPA forms filled out for), or just roll my eyes and only see Dr. Williams when I absolutely must, knowing that she and her staff are not on my happy list.

I’m really not sure the best course of action here – especially since my husband is the one who has to take me to appointments (since I can’t drive and have a swiss cheese memory), and his job is what’s providing for our family.  Why can’t more doctors have night-time and weekend hours? It’s like they are able to completely ignore that most folks have to go to work M-F, 9-5, because we need their help.

Anyway, I’m sure this will all get sorted out. If they figure out what’s causing the gastritis and colitis, and we treat it, then hopefully I’ll stop having extra seizures, thanks to pseudoexacerbations.  The domino effect is a real thing in this body!  I just hope I don’t have to have surgery to remove my gallbladder. That would suck.

And on a completely different note…

Purim started last night, and Easter is this weekend.  We haven’t gone to temple or church, and that’s likely the way that life is going to continue.  Adam and I are big into the “God is Everywhere/Everything” way of thinking, but we don’t want our kid to miss out on celebrations that are fun — so, Henry is going to go to his Busia’s house for an egg hunt with his cousins on Saturday. I feel compelled to make hamentashen to bring to the festivities, before my gastroenterologist makes me go on the gluten-free diet we discussed.  I think Jesus would approve.