Living In The Moment

One thing that having MS has really done well for me is to force me to live in the moment.  Prior to developing seizure disorder (thanks to MS), I was almost always focused on the future. I was in law school, working all the time towards a goal that I would not achieve. These days, my goals are much more short-term and achievable.

Yesterday, for example, I had a crazy to-do list — more stuff on it than I could possibly achieve in one day.  I live by by the motto, “Do what you can when you can,” so I got a lot done before the evening, when I had a bunch of seizures.

This morning, I’m fighting the urge to be upset with my past self.  I have a ton of dishes to do, including bottles for Henry.  If I don’t do them first, he won’t have anything clean to eat from.  But I remember yesterday. I remember walking to the village hall and the grocery store. I remember going to the chiropractor. And I remember going to sleep confused and post-ictal.

yesterdaySo, I didn’t get everything on my list done… but I did a lot, and practicing self-compassion means not ruining today by being a bully to my past self. Nothing helpful occurs by being mean to myself for things that are outside of my current control.

There are times when I credit my ability to live in the moment to learning and practicing meditation, but the truth of the matter is, when you have an uncontrollable seizure disorder, you learn both to prioritize your activities and to focus on what really matters — safety and caring for your (and your child’s) most basic needs. Everything else takes a back seat from time to time, and that’s ok.  You have to give yourself some mercy. Dishes will wait. Unfolded clothes will wait too.  And yes, even a shower or bath will wait too. Nobody died from being stinky for a day.

Today, my neck and back are crazy sore, but I’m going to do my best and do what I can.  That means getting out the blanket and toys for Henry to do some tummy time while I wash dishes. When he naps later, I’ll work on the seemingly never-ending comparison spreadsheet that will help me decide my Medicare advantage plan for next year and answer the question of whether or not we should add me to my husband’s insurance policy.  (I’ve got to learn how secondary insurance works!)  I honestly can’t imagine how folks who have more cognitive hardships than I do make these important decisions. They certainly don’t make it easy to figure out which plan is the best.

Time to go snuggle a baby, put on some Sesame Street, and do all the things. Hope you’re having a good day.

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Brought to you by the Number 5!

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This guy.

This guy right here is why I haven’t written much in a while. It’s not for lack of desire or lack of subject matter — just that he comes first, and babies need snuggles like fish need water.

Kiddo is 5 months old. 5 months! I can’t even believe it. Time is on some kind of super-speed cycle right now. Days are whizzing past me faster than I can catch em.

We’ve been in our new home for almost 2 months (though we still have a ton of boxes to unpack), and on October 3rd, Adam and I celebrated our 5th anniversary. Since it was our “wood” anniversary, I made a custom Jenga game for us to play. Adam has promised me a tree to plant in our front yard, and I’m looking forward to picking it out this weekend.

Henry’s growing really well. He’s sitting up, with some support. He gets chatty here and there, and is starting to make consonant sounds. He’s getting really good at grabbing things – whether it’s a toy or a burp cloth or my hair.

count 5He’s chilling out in his crib right now, despite it being just after his afternoon nap because he was having fun with his rattle, wubbanub, and mobile. I can’t imagine why I’d move him when he’s this quiet and content. I know the “I’m hungry/bored/wet” cries are mere moments away, so I’m taking advantage of this quiet time while I can. It’s a happy respite from playing on the floor or watching Sesame Street, which the kid absolutely loves.

Also, before anyone feels the need to tell me: I’m well aware that Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood and Daniel Tiger are both on Netflix.  I just like Sesame Street better, and I’ve been trying to keep our TV watching down to a couple of hours a day.  I use our TV as a jukebox too, so there are times when I’m concerned about how much screen time the little guy’s getting.  Then again, like Mindy said… “I was literally raised on TV, and I turned out perfect,” so there.

It’s A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood.

I’m happy to report that it is a gorgeous day.  Currently, there is not a cloud in sight from our front window, and we’ve had it open, enjoying the breeze all day so far. My plan is to change the little guy’s diaper, feed him a bottle, and then take him out for a walk in a few minutes. Maybe we’ll go to the store and get some things we need.

lake lorinSpeaking of walks — yesterday, we discovered that there’s a small lake less than a mile from our house (apparently named Lake Lorin) where you can fish for large mouth bass (catch & release).  It’s really pretty over there, and I’m excited that Adam will be able to teach me and Henry how to fish so close to home.

But for now, Adam’s at work, and I’ve got a diaper to change. Hope you’re well! ❤