Today, I’m trying my best to have a good day and to stop thinking about the fact that today we should hear back from the bank about the house.
Obsessing doesn’t help anything. We either have it or we don’t. Still, the truth is that I’m both excited and scared. Homeownership is both super cool and potentially difficult. I keep thinking about how we’d set the place up, where our furniture would go, and what work we need to do on it… I both keep thinking about how great it’ll be to have our own place with enough rooms that we could have 3 kids and still be comfortable and how incredibly worried I am that we somehow won’t be able to afford it — even though I did the math and know for absolutely certain that it’s in our price range. The fear is totally irrational but intense.
Truth be told, I’ve gotten very comfortable at our current apartment. I like where we live. It’s big enough to not feel cooped-up when you stay there for days on end and small enough that it’s easy to keep clean. I know how to get around here, and I like the gym we go to. All of that might be changing. I honestly think I’m more afraid of the change than anything.
I Want The Crown!
Tomorrow, I have a rare double-neurologist visit. I’m seeing both my MS specialist and seizure doctor at the same time. Usually, I would be excited by this, but I have been lucky — nothing’s really been out of the ordinary for me, recently. I am aware, however, that my “ordinary” is anything but. I know it’s important to keep the doctors in the loop about everything, anyway, and not to sugar coat things just because I’m handling them well.
I don’t know if anyone else does this, but I have a terrible habit of showing up to neurology appointments and smiling through them and saying I’m fine… like I’m auditioning to be a contestant on America’s Happiest Cripple or something. Doing this helps exactly no one. It’s like on some sick, subconscious level, I’m trying to get my doctor to like me. I honestly feel more of an instinctual need to hide my infirmity from them than I do towards anyone else. It’s messed up. The worst thing to hear from a doctor (which I have heard countless times) is, “You’re complicated.” or “Your case is challenging.” I don’t want to be a challenge or a bother. I just want to be better, and for doctors to stop grimacing when they read my chart.
Hello, is there anybody in there?
(Why, yes, I am referencing a Pink Floyd song.) I’ve been feeling kind of lonely recently, and I realized it’s because I’m not really connected with my friends anymore. I mean, we post memes and occasionally chat on Facebook, but there’s rarely deeper conversation.
I started blogging about 12 years ago on a platform called LiveJournal. I made some of the best friends I’ve ever had through that service. Most of them, I still keep up with over Facebook. But I realized, the other day, that I’m really missing the deeper level of communication that comes from sharing your life through blogging, so I re-joined in the hopes that I could regain that closeness with them. I was saddened to find that only 2 of my friends still regularly post there.
I wonder how many of my friends still blog at all, honestly. I only usually read what people cross-post to FB, and that’s not much. I should probably make more of an effort if I genuinely want the deeper relationships that we used to have. That might even mean emailing people directly to see how they’re doing, or, God-forbid, picking up a phone or using Skype to have an actual conversation. (Crazy, right?)
Speaking of making an effort, I have got to get up and get off the computer. If I don’t get dressed and go to the grocery store, we won’t have dinner at a reasonable time tonight, and that would suck. I should also probably eat some lunch, because, you know, eating is a good thing.
BTW — I asked my FB friends for suggestions for delicious weeknight meals, and I got several great recipes. I’ll be sure to hook you up with them tomorrow.
And the Awesomeness
Three Great Things About Yesterday
I’ve been doing Three Great Things About Yesterday for over a year now, but it’s only just made it to this blog. I have to say, I end up with the best insights on days that, for whatever reason, pretty much sucked. The toughest days to come up with 3 great things for are days like yesterday, where nothing particularly good or bad seemed to happen. It was just relaxing. Still, you gotta look for the good, so here goes nothing.
- Accidentally found a kitchy, adorable coffee shop while waiting for a table at the Bongo Room. It was full of 80s movie memorabilia and couches. There was a mock Back to the Future Delorean parked near the ceiling and a replica flux capacitor on the wall. I don’t mind that the coffee is overpriced if I am that amused.
- Enjoyed a new episode of my favorite soap opera, TrueBlood. (Interestingly enough, the folks at HBO have created a blog that’s “written” by one of the characters on the show. It’s a pretty decent time-waster.)
- Deeply appreciated spending time relaxing with Adam. Loving that man is my joy.
What made your Sunday special?
Somebody loves his teddybear. ❤
I’m really digging this song because it both makes me want to shake my butt and laugh it off. I mean, how can you not be amused by TwerkBot?