Back to “Normal”

So, last week was different. Adam had union arbitration hearing training for work all week, and they held the classes at a hotel that is located near his parents’ house. That meant that we changed things up a little bit.  I traveled down south with him at dawn, and spent the day at the Majka house.

We arrived at his parents’ house at around 7 a.m. every day. I made him eggs for breakfast, and then he went to training and I went back to sleep for a little while.  Ann (Adam’s aunt) and Gerry (Adam’s dad) are disabled also, so I got to spend time with both of them.  Each day, Ann would take me to the grocery store to get ingredients for dinner, and each day, I made dinner for a family of 6. (Adam’s parents, aunt, brother Jeremy, and the two of us)

I really liked how the days flowed.  Waking up at 5:30, getting showered, fixing my baby breakfast, and then focusing on preparing a good meal for the whole family for the rest of the day made me feel like I was really making a positive difference in the lives of everyone around me.  I didn’t even have much time at all for Facebook.

But today, things are back to normal. I told Adam that I was going to wake up with him and make him breakfast this morning, since that had become a thing we did, and I liked it — but I barely remember him kissing me goodbye this morning. I must have slept through the alarms, and he didn’t want to wake me.  I’m going to try harder tomorrow morning.

It seems almost sad, sitting here in my pajamas at 10:30 a.m., having no idea what I’m going to cook for a supper for two, knowing that I just have to take care of us.  I guess it’s a good thing. I mean, it’s been a week since I’ve done the dishes here, and there’s definitely laundry to do as well.  There’s no food in the fridge to make dinner, so I’m going to have to walk to the grocery store as well. It’s not like I don’t have anything to do today.

I suppose the thing for me to do is to focus on the same things that I would have focused on if I were at the parents’ house: making it as nice for Adam to come home as possible — instead of focusing on the things that have come to mind this morning: the fact that I’m alone all day and kind of lack direction.

At least it will be easier to get back to meditating. I didn’t have time to do that at all last week, which made the latest 21 day Chopra Center challenge kind of a wash.

If spending time at the parents’ house showed me anything, it’s this: I enjoy family… and truly want kids. I want more people in my life to care for. And I’m deeply tired of spending so much time alone.

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