Well, so far it’s taken almost 6 months, but I’m halfway off of my anti-depressants!

Titrating down off SSRIs is a tough thing, but it’s worth it to make my body a safe place in which to welcome new life. At the beginning of every month, I’ve been coming down 10 mg more off Cymbalta. And boy HOWDY is it a difficult couple of days, the first few days.

My body tricks me into thinking, usually, that I am a worthless and unkind individual who is not worthy of the love she has or the life she is leading, and it takes all the wherewithall I have from meditation, self-soothing, writing out Gratitude Rampages, and snuggling with my husband to remind me that life really is Okay. Not to mention that I am sore all over and am crabby as can be.

I had no idea when I started taking anti-depressants that they were so habit-forming, and that coming off of them would take so long or be so painful. It’s like ripping a band aid off of my psyche incredibly slowly.

Fortunately, I have a “prize” to keep my eyes on… and it’s a big one. I know that what I’m doing is good for my body and for my overall health, and I know that what I’m doing will enable me to be a mom.

I swear, my babies will know they were thought of well before they were born. They were wanted, and loved, and planned for.

So, for anyone playing along at home, here’s what the rest of the “Rae coming off of Meds” schedule looks like:

Dropping 10 mg of Cymbalta in October to 40, November to 30, December to 20, January to nothing. February, I go down on Abilify from 5 mg to 2 mg, March I go from 2 mg to nothing! April, I stop taking Nortriptyline and my birth control pill. May 2013, we’re “clear” to conceive as far as psych meds go.

Somewhere in there, we have to get me clean of Topamax as well. I have a neurology appointment in October, so we’ll be discussing titrating down from 300mg starting then.

SO! The very earliest we will have a new baby Majka is February of 2014, which seems like it’s a million years away, but I know life moves fast, and that I should treasure the time I have with Adam where it’s just the two of us because this time will never come again.

I’m personally all in a tizzy about it because our good friends the Biel’s just got pregnant, and I’m pretty much sold on the idea that our kids are gonna be friends too. That means they need to be close to each other in age. I figure a year apart’s not too bad.

And if theirs is a boy and ours is a girl, then they will get married and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER! ❤ Just kidding. 😉

But it does mean that I have something like a year and a half to really learn some MommySkills. I'm thinking I'll need sewing. Can y’all think of any other skills I should brush up on?