Awake and feeling able

I think I stopped making music regularly when I was still a student at Berklee College of Music.

I was too busy working on a business plan for a business that I was sure would change the entire landscape of the music industry — and I was too wrapped up both in my extra-curricular activities (being a disc jockey at several online radio stations, starting/participating in Greek life on campus) and being in a wildly dysfunctional romantic relationship to really give a crap about actually making music.

In fact, I remember a moment when one of my sisters from Phi Beta came in the room and shouted, “You guys, I just realized we’re only musicians when we’re in the process of making music!” and I thought to myself, “Wow, I guess I’m not much of a musician at all anymore.” I was in my 4th year of being a music business major.

But I’ll tell you something: with only 1 additional mg of Abilify in my system today, I have original music in my head and a desire to practice today and to write. And that is an awfully good feeling.

See, I forgot to order my 5mg Abilify refill on time, so I have to take what I have left of the 2mg’s – and that means taking 6mgs of Abilify til the 5mg refill shows up. Happy accident – but it lets me know something: I don’t “music” unless I’m happy.

More than that, though, I don’t really write anything – words or music unless I’m at least feeling “ok.” I have been procrastinating writing a couple of guest posts for a friend of mine, and I know that at least one of them will get written today too. It’s the first day that I’ve felt “able” in a while. I’m guessing that’s why they named the drug “Abilify.”

It’s become painfully obvious to me that I build artificial road blocks for myself to make it impossible for me to achieve a recording of a song. It “has” to be on a computer. It “has” to have background music. It “has” to be really good. That’s bullshit. I might just get on Skype and record me with a guitar + vocals. That’d get the job done. And it would be a start in the right direction.

In any event, know that music is coming.

In the meanwhile, enjoy a few videos from artists who are inspiring me lately. I’m in love with Marina and the Diamonds, Florence and the Machine, and Little Boots right now. I’ll give you a song from each of em.

I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday, full of magic and sparkle. And if it’s full of sameness and banality, don’t forget to breathe the spark of life into it by remembering what’s good about life. Gratitude will get you far.

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