Coming off of Cymbalta is painful. I just dropped another 10 mg, and it’s an all-over ache that makes me want to whimper.
Shit like this makes me question how much I want to have children. I get that it’s important to be healthy and to not be on medications that will harm the fetus, but part of me is like, “Is it worth what I’m putting myself through to have kids that are genetically mine?” I’m sure the answer is yes and that I’m just crabby from the pain today. It’s only day one and the change is really a minimal one.
And I’m sure there are those of you wondering, “What if her kids see this one day?” I think they’d probably think, “Wow, Mom went through a lot for us.” Because I am going through a lot and its a labor of love.
I have to say that it makes me angry. I hate multiple sclerosis so much. Most people can just get knocked up and not have to go through this kind of crap. It’s not fair. And I know. Life is not fair. But whatever. It’s just one more thing in this honors course for humanity. I have to really REALLY mean it if I want kids. Really. And I guess this is how I prove it… by enduring unbelievable fucking pain in small amounts of time, over and over again.
Right now, I’ve gone down from 90mg/day to 70mg. I have to completely get off of Cymbalta and Nortriptyline, both of which handle severe neuropathic pain for me. And I will be replacing that pain medication with… nothing. With love for my someday children.
Yeah, it sounds nuts to me too. I’m going to hurt all day long and do it in the name of being able to carry life. And I’m hoping that the paleo diet is going to be enough to block the kind of pain that requires not only an amount of Cymbalta that is above dosage recommendations, but also Nortriptyline and weed – with the hopes that with MS taking a vacation during pregnancy, I won’t hurt so bad for 9 months.
I already am looking longingly at adoption and wanting to stop this craziness. But I don’t think it seems like madness to anyone but me. Maybe it’s because no one else feels what I feel. Maybe I’m just not tough enough. Maybe I’m just not tough tonight. That’s far more likely.
Tough happens in moments. So a re-commitment to the paleo diet, and a stiff upper lip.