A (purely fictitious) Miracle Cure for MS

HAWMC Day #20: Miracle Cure. Write a news-style article on a miracle cure. What’s the cure? How do you get the cure? Be sure to include a disclaimer 😉

Scientists were elated today when they discovered the cure for multiple sclerosis. Astonishingly, the cure came in a form discovered by patients who had MS and who were simply fed up of having it. The patients, who had tried every type of diet and all the different types of medicine among them, were friends online through Facebook and Patients Like Me.

During a gathering of these patients, they decided to go to a local convenience store to get Slurpees because it was too hot outside. The leader of the group thought, “Hey, I haven’t had a suicide Slurpee in forever,” and began mixing the flavors with abandon. It was when she decided that she was simply unwilling to give herself another Copaxone shot and instead put the Copaxone INTO the suicide Slurpee that the miraculous MS cure was concocted.

Another patient tried the same thing with a Coke Slurpee, but the effects were minimal. It appears that there was a particularly effective element in the random “suicide” Slurpee mixture.

Teva Pharmaceuticals has reported that they are working very closely with 7-11 to get the exact recipe of the Slurpee syrups so that they can replicate the exact formulation of the suicide Slurpees that cured the small band of friends, who have been extremely happy with the effects of the draft.

“I never would have believed that I could play drum set again,” said one of the patients, “but we’re joking about putting together a band at this point, and touring the world. I mean, why not? We’ve got our lives back! Maybe we could get 7-11 to sponsor us. It’s like we’re Slurpee Magic!”

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