I write about my health because I think it’s important to show how different that MS and seizure disorder is for every person is who has it. I write because it is cathartic and because it helps me to express and feel at least a modicum of control over the life that I live.
I’m unsure how I’m supposed to freewrite for 15-20 minutes about that. It seems pretty simple and straight forward to me.
MS is a disease that takes away the illusion of control. Writing gives that illusion back to you, at least in some part, because you’re recognizing, accepting, and holding your weaknesses in a special form of reverence.
MS hides inside you because you look fine. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “You look great!” as if to say, “You’re faking.” I write to fight against the perception that I’m faking.
Hell, I’ve even considered posting my MRI on this blog just so others can see what I’ve seen… my brain riddled with its 7 lovely lesions. Gaping holes, where there used to be functionality.
I write about my health because if I don’t give the mourning part of me credence, it will take over the rest of my life, and I can’t give it that much power.
I write so I don’t feel sorry for myself.