I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about dying or killing myself, and a lot of time thinking about what the “point” of life is.
I think that the only way you can possibly “win” at life is to spend as much time with the people you care about doing the things you enjoy doing as you possibly can, and have the best attitude you can muster during the times you cannot be doing that.
I spend far, far too much time alone right now. That’s why I am always online trying to talk to friends over Facebook, or why I pontificate about random bullshit here on my blog.
It’s why I try to help others while I’m helping myself on the paleo front: so they have more time to be with their family and friends.
Love is all that matters. If I could spend 1 more minute every day, snuggled up in my husband’s arms, feeling safe and loved and content, I would. It’s the best place in the world.
If I could tell my brother and my best friends that I think about them constantly and hold them in my heart and hope they’re doing well every day without feeling the need to end the conversation with, “Well, that’s all I’ve got to report!” I would.
All I want, all the time, every day, is for the people I love to know how much they’re cared for. All I care about is safety, warmth, and affection – but it always gets sidetracked with the demon of “Should” – what SHOULD I be doing, what SHOULD I be thinking about, what SHOULD I be concerned with. And that’s all the crap that doesn’t matter. It’s all noise.
You know, Adam and I never had a proper honeymoon – but we did have a couple of years while he was unemployed and we were together all day, every day. And it makes me miss him when I’m home these days. I can’t help but say my husband is my best friend, and I’m lucky to have him. I wish I could give him a hug right now, but that’ll wait til he’s home from work.