Well… that was awkward, but necessary.

So, earlier this week, I set up an audition with a band who is looking for a female vocalist. (yay! right?)

Or I *was* trying out for a band as of last night. I’m not sure if they still want me now that they know that I have a seizure disorder. They acted like it’s no big deal, but it felt like a horribly big deal letting them know that the reason I can’t drive is because sometimes I shake uncontrollably.

*sigh* And that wouldn’t be such a big deal if I weren’t auditioning to be the front person for a band. But what does being a front person mean? It means being in front of a lot of flashing lights. It means cameras flashing. It means strobe lights flashing on stage — the same ones that made me go into a simple partial seizure the other day on the table at the doctor’s office, even with meds in my system.

It means I’m fooling myself, thinking that I can be a stage performer that tries to “make it” anymore. And that’s a hard truth that I have to accept. Maybe I can be in a cover band that plays for fun, but that’s about it… and it sucks to admit it.

But it doesn’t mean that I can’t song-write, because I already do that anyway.

So now, I just have to figure out how to get a new Mac so I can record my songs in demo form in Garageband and those songs to the right people.

And I might know a couple of the right people, come to think of it…

Ah, music publishing: where all the big money really is, anyway, coming in 5.3 cents at a time, even though it really should be 7.1 cents at a time… I never stop being glad I that studied you.

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