Chapter 20: Being Straight Up Different from Everybody Else

Quit studying. Quit learning.
*BOOM!* No more worries.
Take that, anxiety.
(And fuck you, pharmaceutical corporations!)

The difference between “Yes” and “Yeah”
really isn’t that big, geometrically speaking.
Except, that it is if you’re talking about
measuring the difference between Good and Evil.

Silly Lao Tzu, using geometry to try to measure good and evil.
What a math geek! 🙂

People can fear just about anything.
But really, they should fear almost nothing.
Their innate awesomeness remains uncultivated;
They have not yet even begun to beg or to center themselves!

Everyone who is prosperous and splendid
lives as though they are enjoying the finest fold of animals,
as though they have achieved the greatest heights of lust-filled life…

I, alone, anchor myself with this ancient and future truth
as if I were an infant who missed out on important childhood lessons,
like how to smile genuinely.

It seems like I don’t matter.
Hell, I even dyed my hair blue to make that point.
I’m invisible, even in public.

Everybody seems to have enough knowledge
in the “understanding how to live” department – some to spare even
But I have lost everything that I thought I knew.
My heart is foolish, and my mind is stupid.

Chaos, thy name is Rae.

Ordinary people can make themselves amazing here in LA.
I’m the one who’s got to first get MS, then a seizure disorder,
then fight to get better only to unearth more troubles…

Ordinary people can see the world around them clearly.
I’m the one looking at the world through shit-colored goggles.

I am adrift on the tranquil sea of life,
And because I have no idea where I will dock at the end of the day
I cannot appreciate the tranquility.

Everyone has their place, their function in society –
I alone have the job of being “me” – whatever that means.

Lao Tzu thought his job was to be
obstinate, controversial, stupid, rustic — sometimes even mean.
Lord knows the stunning combo of medications and health make me
all of those things in spite of my best efforts to be kind.

I am different from every other person in the world,
but I am not so different as to not be human.

As the most Noble and precious animal on the planet,
I draw nourishment from my femininity and my mother.

Taking a deep breath, I remember,
there is value in being a wife
and building a home from the bottom up.

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