Great Googly Moogly do I miss Social Networking!

one week.

I can’t believe it’s been one week without social media. It seems like longer. It’s made me realize several things.

#1 – I do not miss discussing politics, and my choice to keep myself largely ignorant of the goings on of the world and the news during law school to focus on work was very wise.

I spend an inordinate amount of time engaging in discussions that upset me because I hope to change people’s minds or to bring knowledge about egregious wrongs going on in the world to people that I hope will take action against it. I feel that because they’re my friends, who are very good people and who want good things for themselves, for me, and for the country (and I do know that they care about my situation and that they are good people) that I can make a difference in our country or in our world in general.

I am wrong about that, I think.

Or, more accurately, I think that the payoff is not worth the level of upset that I find myself consistently mired in.

I far too keenly feel the sting of perceived injustice at the hand of others, and far too easily place myself in the victim’s shoes. My capability for compassion is stronger than it might ought to be, and my desire for what I perceive as justice is certainly too strong.

There is enough going on in my life to focus on without spending my energies on the struggles of strangers. While I may somehow “make a difference” by discussing it, it is unclear to me that it is a positive one in the world or in the world of those strangers, or even in my life by focusing on those struggles. Raging against injustice is just that. Rage. I’m not sure how it’s constructive or helpful to anyone anymore than watching people yell at each other on TV. It’s an exercise in getting myself (and others) upset.

Righteous indignation without action is, in my estimation, emotional masturbation. Getting angry to no good purpose. And I’ve been doing it a lot. Social media breeds it. Let’s all get good and upset and talk about it… and do nothing but console ourselves about how right we are.

Don’t get me wrong. There is a need to vent. There is a time and a place. Perhaps Social Media is that time and place! And maybe I was just spending too much time there.

#2 – I direly miss knowing what’s going on with the people I care about, and Facebook had become my only means of communication with 99% of the people I care about. That is all kinds of messed up.

I’m starting to make new friends! I’ve already met a couple of folks who live in my apartment building. Did you know I have neighbors? Well, it’s true. 🙂 And they don’t hardly suck at all, so far as I can tell! 🙂

And my phone works! And so does my email! AND I CAN SEE PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. Insane, I know.

But it also let me know that people totally take for granted that I’m going to post my whole life online, and so people don’t try to contact me. The thing that kinda sucks about that, is that I’m not offput by that. I still am kind of phone-shy. I miss having emails to answer. I miss being in on conversations. All I get mostly is spam right now.

It weirds me out that I’m not getting emails or texts from folks to say hi. I figured people would miss me, but they don’t really, or if they do, it’s after I contact them. So, I’m not the only social media addict out there. 🙂 It’s easy to do!

#3 – I get my news from my friends! THEY HAVE THE BEST SOURCES!
I totally had to think of what sites to visit to get my news after I stopped going to Facebook first thing in the morning. I was like, “Ok, who has the best news, and when I read the news from my friends, what site does it send me to?”

Prior to Social Media, I never would have checked out sites like Gizmodo or The Huffington Post. Would you miss reading articles like this? The 5 Questions You Hate Not Knowing the Answer to by Rainn Wilson (The Guy Who Plays Dwight Shrute on The Office).

But today is Sunday, which means I get some of the ORIGINAL Social Media coming to my door, courtesy of the lovely April M., who gifted us a year’s supply of the LA Times for our wedding. (Thanks again, April!!!)

Time to toast a bagel, pour some coffee, and honor Grandma by clippin some coupons like I do every week. 🙂

Hope everyone has a happy Sunday and enjoys the time change! An extra hour of sleep is good for everybody! 🙂

Making room for wellness.

On November 1st, I made the commitment to Adam to spend a full month off of Social Media. We got to talking about it, and In It For The Parking is the only exception to the rule because it serves several very necessary purposes in my life*.

For the last several years of my life, I have been primarily couch-locked, due to seizures. Due to that fact, I have spent an inordinate amount of time on my computer. My beautiful, sweet, lovely laptop… window to the world. It has actually gotten to the point that I don’t call people anymore. When I do talk to folks, I assume they’ve read my blog or my Facebook if it’s about something going on in my life, because – let’s face it, not much goes on in my life, it feels like.

When it gets to the point that you’re saying to your husband, “Hey, I wrote a blog entry. I’d like you to read it.” and he wants you to talk to him about it, and you really would rather him read it because it’s too hard to talk like a normal human being, you’ve got issues.

Truth be told, I’ve been both clamming up and lashing out for some time now. And when I see therapists, it’s kind of a joke. I can tell them stuff that’s gone on, but what’s an hour? Where do you go from there, but home with an open festering wound that you and your family has to deal with…on top of everything else that is already going on. It’s like I go in and pick at infected emotional scabs and then have seizures that send me right back into those moments.

Dr. M says these particular seizures are actually flashbacks. We’re supposed to start working with EMDR at the next session to see if that helps. I’m hopeful, but I’d be lying if I said I’m looking forward to it. Then again, anything that makes this better is worth it.

Which brings us back to why I’m spending 1 month completely off of Social Media (and why I will only be posting here and not checking my friends page and using all the awesome features that Live Journal has to offer).

Recently, a couple of things happened that had ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING on my life whatsoever. The marriage of a good friend of mine ended within its first year, and another close friend’s long-term relationship ended. Of course, I found this out over Facebook. And yet, because Facebook has become my only social outlet, it profoundly affected me — to the point that I picked a fight with Adam over things that made no sense at all.

Adam asked me to take some time off, and I agreed. I got to thinking about it… about how out of proportion my emotions were, how frightened I was that the same thing would happen to us… I have lost my grip on reality here.

I’ve spent so much time trying to ignore the pain that my body is in, or the fears that I have regarding whatever is going on in my life by just socializing on Facebook and surfing the net that I have forgotten how to behave like a normal human being, and I’ve forgotten that I’m doing better. I’m not having seizures all the time! It just might be time to get my lazy booty up.

Woe be it to me when I grow enough as a person to go a week without a computer. *lol* Hopefully by then I’ll have children to entertain me. 🙂

I chose a husband well!

He’s challenging me to find other ways to spend my time — and in doing so, I have a feeling I might become a better guitarist. I’ll definitely write more on the book. And, because I’m definitely going to vote in a minute (VOTE YES ON PROP 19!!!), I will probably even leave the couch. 🙂

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* – Writing here allows me freedom to journal my experience with seizures and MS. It allows me to feel as though I may be helping others who suffer with seizure disorder or MS or both to feel as though what they go through, they do not go through alone, and it proves to me, each time that I make an entry, that I exist. I make a difference just by being here.