I have had such a great visit with my folks and brother that I don’t want to go home today. 🙂 And Adam doesn’t either, so we’re staying until Monday.
This is the way that visits with family oughta be. 🙂 I hope that everyone else has had a good Thanksgiving too.
There’s an awful lot that I’m thankful for this year.
Obviously, I’m thankful for family and friends. I try as often as possible to let everyone know how much I love and value them, but sometimes it’s tough to really get it across because I’m complaining so much about my body or about what I can’t do.
My family and friends are so empowering and kind and loving and accepting of all the stuff that goes on with me. You all wrap me in a cocoon of care that lets me get through anything no matter how bad it is, and I can never thank you enough for that with just words. So I just love you big bunches, and keep on keeping on. Some days are pretty freakin’ awesome. 🙂 It’s always worth it, and I can never possibly thank you all enough for the love, support, friendship, fun, hugs, silliness, and awesome times I get to share with you. Thank you all for putting up with my bitching and whining and moping and yelling and crankying so we can all enjoy the good times together too.
I’m extremely thankful to be American and protected and lifted up by the support of everyone who is able to work in the country. SSDI is extremely helpful. Medicare is on its way in March. I know that I must have sounded terribly ungrateful when I first got it because I was hoping for more than $758/mo (That’s what they give people whose earnings prior to disability are only minimum wage, and having completed graduate school, I thought I’d have at least $1200/mo to live off of.)
I’m totally thankful for the high quality of medical care I’ve received this year. All bitching aside, we’ve come very far with controlling my seizures and pain. This is the 3rd day in a row I’ve been the first one awake at 8 a.m., made coffee, and started working on my book. The seizures I have now are all pseudoseizures and most of them are flashbacks. I’m able to admit the shit that happened earlier in my life that is causing this stuff and deal with it. That’s megahuge. I don’t know that I would have been able to heal this much without the care of such good doctors.
I’m deeply thankful that I am alive and mostly well. As you all are well aware, I struggle with suicidal thinking and existentialism from time to time, but there is nothing good about death. I celebrate life and even recently, when asked if I get resentful of having to take so many pills everyday, explained that I see it like an affirmation of life. 9 am and 9 pm are times to pray at the altar of modern medicine. 🙂
I am so thankful for my husband, Adam, who understands everything going on (both in life and with me) on a level that I don’t. When people talk about your spouse being your “better half,” I had never understood what that meant before — but he understands damn near everything I don’t understand, and does a damn decent job explaining to me or having patience with me when I just can’t accept, understand, or have patience with myself or the world for not conforming to the way I think things “should” be… and I’m coming to find that there is an awful lot of things in this world that simply don’t work the way I think they do. I’m immensely grateful that I have his hand to hold while I walk (or stumble) through this life.
I’m incredibly thankful that I took the month of November off of Facebook. I was on it all the time, and wasn’t living. I wasn’t playing guitar or piano. I wasn’t cooking. I wasn’t living. I had let myself spend all my time trying to keep in touch with my friends. I had actually let myself believe that my Facebook friends were real friends.
But really for really-real friends read blog posts, talk on the phone, email, stuff like that. Facebook friends are acquaintances. They’re the folks you chatted with in the halls in high school – not the folks who hung out with you for real. There’s a significant difference. Keeping it real is important. And so is keeping your personal drama to the handful of people who really care, as opposed to the 500 or so of your closest judgmental acquaintances. I know that even though this is public and will be posted to Facebook, the only people reading it care. And that is significant.
I am thankful for limitless opportunity. Despite all the challenges I’ve gone through and have yet to hit, life is full of opportunity. Berklee alumni stuff happens all the time. Sam (an old friend of the family) has opened the door for me to his publisher, for the MS book that I’m writing, and the future has not eclipsed the possibility of me taking another bar exam in CA or another state. And that is just off the top of my head. When I’m not so busy having seizures out of fear of the past, a beautiful future is ready to open up for me. You really can’t ask for better than that.
My life is wonderful right now, aside from the scary, painful seizure here and there, the unexpected freakouts, and spontaneous numbness/tingling/pain. When I let myself just roll with it, I’m incredibly happy. And when I’m not… well, I just deal with it as best I can. And really, that’s what life is, isn’t it?
I hope you’re all having a good Thanksgiving weekend. 🙂
Here’s a link to a really yummy soup that we had last night (and that Adam and I like to make with chicken sometimes) that uses up leftover turkey meat well!