Monthly Archives: September 2010

10 Days Until the Wedding

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10 days until the wedding, and today is the day that MS reminded me that I have some limitations. This past week, I’ve been go-go-go as though I were on the war-path against “all that which is-not-done”.

Who am I kidding? I *am* on the war path against all that which is-not-done. Sadly, today was the first day I really let myself down. I missed my 2nd fitting for my wedding dress because despite my pain meds & MJ, I am hurting all over today as though tiny creatures with fists the same size as those of an infant’s were punching me all over. I would say “meat grinder” but it’s not like that. I feel bruised all over. Tender.

Oh well, worse things have happened than a “day off.” At least I’ve gotten a lot of sleep, and Adam’s had a little downtime too. I have to listen to my body. I can’t force the funk!

Also, can you believe limo services want $250 to drive you 3 miles? That’s insane. For $250, I want the damn Ghostbusters vehicle or a Lambroghini. Otherwise, I hope we can do better. Seriously.

So about that earlier post.

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Yea, there was a post up earlier talking an awful lot about my psyche and suicide. Moreso than I am comfortable with sharing with the universe at large, honestly. At least in the forever sense.

Not everybody needs to know that much about me, and those who do deserve the communication in a different format.

Let’s Do the Time Warp Again!

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If I had a Rocky Horror Picture Show icon of Dr. Frankenfurter biting his hand in that classic pose, I would use it here… but I’ll have to settle for a very excited MIND-TAKER.

Holy bouncing baby deities, Adam and my wedding is approaching quickly!

I truly believe that the month before a wedding occurs somehow the FastForward button gets hit, and time in the Matrix passes so quickly that everything gets caught up in a whirl of “WEE!!!” and “OMFG THERE’S NO WAY WE CAN FINISH EVERYTHING!!!”

I’m a lot more “wee!” and a lot less “aaiigh!” – but my grasp on time and what I can and can’t get done in it with my conditions is tenuous at best. Some days, I’m awesome – like really just like normal. Other days, I’m totally laid out. Fortunately, I’ve had a few years to get used to that concept, and Adam’s gotten *really* good at reminding me not to judge myself too harshly, and that this is a party to celebrate love – and nothing more.

I think a lot of unnecessary pressure gets put on weddings. I don’t know if it’s the media or the advertising of companies that make their money solely on this occasion, but there’s a ridiculous pervasive attitude that the day you get married has to be perfect.

What day in anyone’s life has ever been truly “perfect?”

And furthermore, would we even know how to create perfection if we intended to make it, or is it something that happens on its own?

One of the biggest blessings in disguise that I’ve received from having the fantastic comedic duo of multiple sclerosis and seizure disorder in my life is the abandonment of perfectionism.

There, quite simply, is no way to be poised, polished, and perfect with seizures. 🙂 Can’t be done. There may as well be a welcome packet that you get with diagnosis that says in great big letters on the front “ABANDON HOPE OF THE APPEARANCE OF INFALLIBILITY ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.” Ah, who am I kidding? It should say that on the inside of your momma’s womb, right before it starts opening up. *lol* But it wouldn’t matter because fetuses can’t read. Freakin illiterates. 🙂

Truth be told, the quickest way to be UNHAPPY is to put the expectation that everything ought to go a particular way in your mind. So it boggles my mind that the wedding industry makes the concept of a “perfect” day such a pervasive goal for so many people.

Once you start thinking about what “perfect” is, most people start noticing imperfections everywhere, and rather than seeing them as positive opportunities for improvement they focus on them as negative characteristics and let those things ruin their mood.

Happiness is such an ephemeral thing, and it can slip away from you so easily if you let it. It’s far too easy to get caught up in fears of whether or not your guests are entertained, if the food is yummy enough, whether or not you look pretty enough, if others approve of the choices that you made, or if things like the decor were executed to your desires and specifications.

Oh “enough,” how I hate you as a word and as a concept, for you are almost always preceded by the word “never.”

My hopes for my wedding day are simple: (1) Get officially married. (2) Don’t accidentally ruin my dress before we’ve gotten several good pictures. (3) Have fun with my family and friends.

I’m absolutely certain I’m going to have seizures on my wedding day. It’s inevitable. It’s one of the most stress-filled days of your life. I’m not worried about it. I just hope it doesn’t happen while I’m up there at the front. That would kind of suck. BUT, if it does, Adam knows how to handle it. And he loves me. And I love him. And it doesn’t change the answer of “I do!” (Which in my mind translates to, “OH HELLS YES!!!”)

I want to take this opportunity to invite you – Yes, YOU, my readers, to join us at our wedding.

Adam and I have decided to webcast the wedding for everyone who we love who could not attend. You can go to http://www.rachael-and-adam.com and join us on October 3, 2010 at 11 am central time for a live stream of the big event. 🙂

Right now, there’s a link for a guestbook, but no guestbook up — that’s by design, so there are no early signers. I hope you can make it! 😀