That’s right, you heard it first. After 2 days of Solumedrol IV, I was able to take the dog to the end of the block and back this morning and be the pooper scooper all on my own.
And I am awesomely proud of that because Adam got to sleep in. *lol*
Debbie, my super-sweet IV-SM nurse ougtta be here in the next 15 minutes or so, so this is destined to be an entry of the shorter variety.
You know… I just realized that I didn’t even announce on this journal that I was having a really bad relapse and have had a beeyotch of a time getting treatment this time. Ha! SAVED IT FOR FACEBOOK. I guess that’s what happens when you are more interested in thinking about other people’s lives and ignoring the “yuck” in your own. Makes sense, really, if you think about it.
That brings me to a concept that I think everyone needs to know. This is a Southernism (well, I think it is because I’m from the Dirty, dirty south) that applies universally to relationships and to people.
Don’t Poke the Bear.
This is a very simple concept. If you’re in the woods and you poke a bear, it will chase you and can kill you. Despite it looking cute and sweet and fun, you should not poke it. It will end badly for everyone involved.
When I am in pain to the point that I have put myself to bed to lie down, I’m sleeping because I can’t handle the pain. Sleep lets me escape it or at least laying in bed lets me kind of meditate it down to a tolerable level.
Sometimes, Adam (or another friend or family member) will crack the door to check on me, or come in and give me sweet kisses and want to talk to me, thus interrupting my sleep. Doing so can sometimes be detrimental to our relationship depending on the level of pain I’m in, how many times he’s checked on me, how much “crazy juice” I have in my system, and how sensitive that person is at the moment.
What’s damn near impossible for me to keep in mind, coming directly out of sleep or bio-feedback meditation is, “This person is trying to show me love and care” because all that floods my brain is broken concentration and the sudden jolt of all the pain coming back. It’s much harder when I have corticosteroids flowing through my body.
I don’t want to yell at someone I love for caring enough to check on me. That’s just rude and mean. But it happens, sometimes! I’m a human being, and they understand that. But when I’m in that sort of pain, I’m a bear. And they poked the sleeping bear.
Compassion, thankfully, with loved ones, can be an easy thing to come by. Forgiveness, however, is not always as simple. It’s a lot easier to explain to someone, when you’re lying down for one of those, “fuck my life I just need to sleep through this” moments to let everyone know to just leave you alone. That way, if they poke the bear, they know what they’re getting into.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating grouchiness – just trying to remind everyone that sometimes, for the person hurting, it’s equally important for us to be compassionate while we’re in pain by letting people know to leave us alone, but doing so kindly. It’s hard for those who love us deeply to watch us suffer, and if they realized that by kissing us, holding us, waking us up to remind us that despite our pain we are constantly loved, that they were forcing us back into the harder part, they wouldn’t do it. They want us to feel better, not worse, so try not to let yourself become resentful of their love before you communicate your needs to them. Odds are, they don’t realize how their affection has negatively affected you because it wasn’t their intent.
Like I said! MS is an HONORS COURSE in humanity! It’s not enough to be able to tolerate what wackiness goes on in your body. You have the opportunity to become a better human being, or to become bitter or lazy or just angry.
What I didn’t realize early on is that it’s an honors course for everyone who cares about you too.
My parents came in for the weekend to hang out with me and Adam and help out.
I am one very, very lucky girl. (With a longer post than expected and a late nurse! Oh well!) 🙂
Happy Saturday, everyone!