Well, it’s official. As of March 1st, 2010, I have swallowed my pride and admitted that I need the system’s help.

That’s right, boys and girls. I applied for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) today.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: I haven’t worked long enough. Well, I’m under 30, so there are some different rules. There’s a chance I could get it.

I also need to apply for SSI and food stamps. But I can’t do that today because it’s too late in the day already. I’ll have to jump on that gravy train to survivable poverty tomorrow.

But don’t let that make you think I’m being pessimistic. I know that Vimprat’s out on the market now and that there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that it could work on controlling my seizures. So who knows. I mean, I did apply for a job that reads like my dream-job today…

Job Description:
The Director of Licensing is responsible for a variety of tasks including, but not limited to, synchronization licensing, international licensing, master licensing, budgeting for 3rd party music costs, contract administration, third party licensing (i.e. Film/TV licensing, master licensing out, etc.) and administration of small publishing catalog. The ability to use templates to generate licenses for all of the above is essential. This position requires a skilled multi-tasker who remains calm under pressure, is flexible, willing to take on any task, is not afraid to ask questions and can work independently. A successful candidate in this position is highly organized with excellent follow through abilities.

Reports to: VP Business Affairs

Key Functions/Responsibilities:

• General: Negotiate with artists, publishers, record labels, film and television companies, attorneys, managers, and talent agencies, independently handle a large amount of miscellaneous internal and external business affairs inquiries as necessary.
• Licensing: Obtain synchronization, master, clip and other third party licenses for home video projects within specified budgets. Keep organized files for each project, follow up on pending licenses, and develop relationships with licensors;
• 3rd Party/International Licensing: Manage third party licensing for owned repertoire, including, but not limited to, quoting licensing fees for Film, TV, and compilation albums, etc. Follow-up on status of use and collect payment;
• Supervision of Mechanical and Master Licensing: Supervise staff member handling the mechanical and master licensing of audio projects;
• Contract Administration: Review licenses. Supervise coordinator position in the administration of payments for synchronization licenses, master licenses, etc.;
• Union Issues: Identify union/guild obligations for both new and existing home video projects, including obtaining proper paperwork, securing payment terms and relaying information to outside payroll company in a timely manner;
• Budgeting: Identify and prepare budgets for third party rights obligations (including music costs and union/guild obligations) for home video and audio releases;
• Publishing Administration: Oversee administration of a small publishing catalog.

*sigh* Man, I hope we get rid of my seizure issues.

You know, try as I might to put on a happy face, there really is no way to explain the kind of inner feeling of anger and frustration I have at needing help so badly. I work so damn hard. I guess that’s why the government would be willing to give it. But still. I want to work. I want my health! It’s like “Fine, take my dignity in exchange for the money I need. I will admit that I probably won’t ever be able to work again.”

I mean, I totally had seizures during the bar exam! Not nearly as bad as last year, but I still had them. Why *should* I push myself to the point of exhaustion and pain for the almighty dollar? Why not proudly and happily accept money from society?

Because of the way society treats people on aid on TV? Do *I* have a low opinion of people living on government aid? If so, I wasn’t aware of it…

*sigh*

Why do I expect so much more of me?

Well, at least, on the bright side, if I get my license in May, I can help all kinds of musicians and filmmakers out inexpensively. 🙂

There’s always good with the bad. I’ll get to do exactly what I came out here to do in the first place at least that way. 🙂

Here’s to hoping I passed. 🙂

Cheers.