Today’s Goal: Just Get Through It. – Spoons Optional.

I was fewer than 10 minutes away from work today when Adam turned around and took me home.

That probably doesn’t sound like much, but it takes an hour to get me to work in the morning, and the reason he was taking me home is that I had so many seizures on the way to work that he finally just decided I wasn’t going in today… mostly because the last one (ok, the last 4), were memory-loss seizures and I didn’t even remember having a job.

It was the better part of an hour before I remembered it. When we were home, I immediately fell asleep, and if it weren’t for Gabapentin and 5 Hour Energy, I don’t know that I’d be awake right now. Fatigue is *rough* today

But you know what? I am awake, and it’s not about doing everything awesome. It’s just about doing it at all, and not holding yourself back, and not judging yourself harshly if now’s just not the time.

I was really considering whether or not it’s a good idea for me to become an attorney earlier today, because being an attorney puts you in a fiduciary position where you have to be responsible for things, but if I work with someone else and I have employees/agents for specific things (paying bills, etc.) then I should be able to do it.

For those of you who are wondering, I want to go into entertainment law, which I have a background in and I think will work best with the kind of needs I have anyway. Besides, even bitter lawyer agrees that it’s the best kind of lawyer to be. πŸ™‚

*sigh* I started this entry a good 2 hours ago. I had to stop because I had a seizure and ended up accidentally pooping on myself and the couch.

Glamorous, huh? I know that’s not the sort of thing you’d expect one to admit on a public journal, but the whole reason I keep this thing is to have an honest account of the life I live and what it’s like having MS and seizure disorder and living a full life anyway.

Part of MS sometimes is losing control of your bowels. So I got up, cleaned up myself and the couch, took a bath (which, yes, of course exacerbated everything else), and fell asleep. But I’m back up now, and back on course. I swear. If seizures and numbness and tingling and pain weren’t enough, I got an extra reminder that I’m not in control today.

And I’m still studying anyway. *lol*

I’m not sure if that makes me crazy, very focused, defiant, or what. Who cares? Why bother judging? I gotta do my thing.

I’ve worked too hard and come too far to just quit when I’m this close.

Besides, everyone deals with a little crap in life. Some of us just deal with it a little more literally. πŸ™‚

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