My mom and dad are coming in town just to give me a hug and a kiss because I’ve been feeling bad, and I didn’t fight them on it. I never thought that day would come. I usually fight that stuff because I try to be tough. I think I realized that tough’s got nothing to do with not accepting love from your folks. I can use all the love I can handle.
I’m still not feeling awesome. In fact, I can’t really explain the kind of bad I’m feeling today. It’s not terrible, it’s just kind of a general malaise/fatigue coupled with a lot of losing control over my body.
I’ve already lost count of my seizures. I tend to just stop counting after 20 when I hit it before 10 am. Last night, I slept through the night – tons of nightmares, though – none of which had to do with the bar exam, for the record.
This time, I’m not afraid of the test, though I am a bit pissed at myself for getting so sick that I forgot to put in for extra help — but I would have just asked for the ability to take the test in bed if the seizures got too bad and for some additional light, so I don’t think it would make all that much difference anyway.
On a totally different topic – I really miss making music. I haven’t been able to practice guitar in months because of the seizures. I fell out of my chair with my guitar on once when I had a seizure and I really hurt myself. I’ve been to afraid to put on my guitar since, when I was feeling bad. I don’t want to break the guitar.
So yeah, 5 seizures since I started writing this entry, and about an hour. And I’m really tired. Back to bed, I go.
I think I’m going to lay back down. I feel really worn out.