Good morning, everybody.

I have GOT to remember the following things:

1.) Sometimes waking and baking is not something to laugh about or even an option. Sometimes, it’s *exactly* what I ought to be doing. Because, really, the hour-to-hour and a half that I spent feeling like absolute crap before taking care of pain management adequately was not worth it! I spent that time whining and driving Adam nuts by asking his opinion and then questioning it and then changing my mind because I knew he was in his right mind and I wasn’t. It’s Sunday morning, for goodness sake. The man deserves a break. Even the Lord thinks so.

2.) I am not on the Swank Diet yet. Until I actually start the diet, I can’t freak out at every meal. I know that I said I was starting it the other day, but it was a big knee-jerk reaction, and I until I can fully remember reading the parts that explain how the diet helps, I’m not starting. Besides, it’s still the holidays and Adam’s family keeps sending us cured meats in the mail. Sweet, delicious, not-allowed-on-the-diet holiday meats. That might make my brain explode. AIIGH!

So, yeah. I’ve been having anxiety attacks at almost every meal, worrying that everything I put in my mouth now is contributing to the decline of my health. It’s awesome. Add that to the appetite suppressant of the Topamax and the Cymbalta and I am pretty high on the “I don’t feel like eating.” scale.

3.) Next year, I need to plan a birthday brunch, because no one else is gonna do it for me. I didn’t plan anything because my health’s been so up and down, and only one person even asked me if I was doing anything. Bums me out more than a little. I should be celebrating that I’ve made it through another year. Also, it should be a brunch, because I feel best in the mornings.

I wish I could feel stable this morning, but every time I get up, I’m wobbly. I want to shower, but I don’t feel safe to do so at all, so even though Adam’s offering, I think it’s a bad idea.

But! Jenny’s gonna be here in an hour and a half, and I’m supposed to go out for a birthday lunch with her.

So I’d better get to feeling better fast. *sigh*

I am actually trying to psyche myself up to have energy to go out with a friend for lunch. what the fuck.

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