It would appear that I dropped of the face of the planet, and that’s only sort of true. I’ve been preparing for the California Bar Exam. It’s in 2 weeks.
I also have been really striving not to define myself through my disability and instead to just be myself, in that sort of way where “I have MS and a seizure disorder” would fit in the same kind of sentence as “I have brown hair and was born in Memphis.” True things that have absolutely nothing to do with who I am as a person, just the life I’ve lived.
Basically, I got tired of thinking about it all the time, and the people who loved me got tired of hearing about it all of the time. It was making me a sad person because this is not my driving force in life. If anything, it’s an on-going lesson in patience with myself and others, mindfulness of the illusion of control within the universe and within myself, and improvisational physical comedy.
It’s also pretty great for showing you who in your life is really worth a shit too. People can come out of the woodwork saying, “Oh, I hope you feel better!” But the friend who comes to see you 6 or 7 times a year who lives out of town definitely ranks above the friend who lives across town who hasn’t come over once. It’s probably not great of me to say that, but I’ve learned I have a lot more acquaintances than I do friends – and honestly, I’m fine with that, because the friends I DO have are (pardon my language – or not) absolutely fucking amazingly supportive, kind, wonderful, and hilarious.
I guess what I’m saying is this – I’m still finding good in this mess they call MS… but I’d rather make myself miserable with law at the moment, thank you very much. 🙂
14 days and counting until the longest test of my life thus far. 🙂 And the best part is, I’m more concerned about what I know (or don’t) than whether or not I’m going to be well enough to take the test! 🙂