I know it’s been several days since the last time that I updated this blog. For that, I genuinely apologize to you, dear readers.
I’ve been having a hard time recently skirting the line between me and MS-Rae. My beautiful boyfriend and I have had several difficult, but important talks over the last week or so. He wants me back to the woman he fell in love with – he wants at least a day where MS doesn’t interfere with our normal lives. He wants me to not define myself by my disease, and that makes sense. That makes it kind of tough to balance things, especially with this site.
I’ve been so depressed, wondering if there ever will come a day where MS doesn’t define what I can and can’t do… I don’t think it’s likely, but I am still hopeful. I have no appetite right now (which you think would help me lose weight); I have no motivation to do the things that I enjoy, and despite the increased ability to do physical things, I’m so worried about potential problems occurring because of it, that I am afraid to *really* work out hard enough to make a real difference.
Adam and I both worry about me pushing too hard… but I am worried about my level of weight gain, despite eating healthfully. I just feel like I can’t win – at least not even close to quickly. At the very least, I’m doing well enough that I’m slowly-but-surely getting my identity back. I learned patience with the disease…. now patience for myself… that is a new skill to learn.
I am still having seizures at nights, here and there. I called Dr. S, and they want me to do another round of lab work to see if I’m at a therapeutic level yet. I can’t believe that 9 months have gone since my time in the hospital and that I’m *still* having seizures. I wonder if it usually takes this long to get seizure disorders under control.
As for the bracelets, I have fantastic pictures to fix and post, thanks to Gar.
Don’t worry – I’m cowgirling up as usual.
Happy for the day:
Diet Hansen’s Soda – no Aspertame, no calories, and no caffeine with lots of yummy flavors.
Diet Tangerine Lime, I think I love you.