Today, I was participating in one of the MS support groups that I’m a member of. One of our members asked a question about sexual issues with MS.
For those of you who are not knowledgeable about the symptoms of MS,oftentimes those of us who have the illness have to deal with sexual dysfunction. For more info check out this site.
This member said that she could no longer climax and asked for suggestions. These were mine.
Ways to combat unsatisfying sex when you have MS:
1.) Pre-gaming. As part of the foreplay, or even BEFORE foreplay, use a Silver Bullet, some other vibe (The Hitachi Magic Wand Massager has gotten great reviews.), or running lukewarm/warm water on your clitoris to see your sensitivity level.
If you can’t feel the vibe, you aren’t going to have a clitoral or vaginal orgasm. If you can feel it, get yourself worked up some – because you need to have good bloodflow down there, and women’s increased sensitivity does not go away for a while.
2.)Heat it up. If you’re not *terribly* heat sensitive, put a heating pad on your crotch or take a short bath. The idea, again, is to increase bloodflow. I also wholeheartedly recommend taking a bath with your partner to increase intimacy, decrease stress, and set the mood. Light some candles, put on some music, and make the bath smell nice. You’d be surprised the difference that can make if you’re not heat sensitive. If you ARE heat sensitive, obviously, don’t do this. There’s nothing less sexy than causing yourself to have a pseudoexacerbation.
3.) Cool it down! Sometimes cold can make people more sensitive. Just think about when you get goosebumps and your skin is more sensitive to the wind. According to some sources, women can sometimes benefit from a cold-press being applied to their perineum.
4.)There’s a medicine for damn near everything now. For some people, Viagra helps increase bloodflow to that region, even for women. There are also other non-prescription pills creams that claim to do this too, such as Fematril or Provestra, gels like Liquid V Female Stimulating Gel, and even items like the Liberator Wedge/Ramp Combo that will take some of the physical strain out of trying different positions. As someone who is creative, but has a lot of fatigue, I could easily see this being helpful for others.
5.) Don’t forget the rest of your body! People forget that you can orgasm even without genitals. Extragenital orgasm happens entirely without genital contact. The person is simply able to excite herself with erotic thoughts and fantasies to the point of orgasm, sometimes triggered by physical stimulation, e.g., touching the neck, breasts, or thighs (This would work better if you can feel your neck or thighs but have numbness in your genitals). This type of orgasm can also happen when a woman is doing a particular form of exercise, like sit-ups.
In that same vein of thought, many people forget the importance of having well-toned PC muscles. As a woman, even with some numbness, you can do Kegel exercises that will increase bloodflow, improve sensitivity, and force you to think about how your body feels and how your mind feels.
6.) Get in the mood! Sometimes with fatigue and different aches and pains, it can be just HARD to feel sexy. Dress up in something that makes you feel sexy. Don’t forget that the mind is the most sexual organ.
I know when I was feeling that I was “broken,” that I was focused on the idea of “Can I come? Will I be able to come? If I don’t, is my partner going to feel like a bad lover? I HAVE to be like I used to be RIGHT NOW, come on body!!!” and that is the death of pleasure. My boyfriend said, “Shh. That’s my job to worry about.” and when I was able to relax, I was able to truly enjoy sex again.
7.) Listen to and respect your body.Take time to massage one another, go slow and be emotionally intimate – that can make a huge difference, not only in your sexual experiences but also in your relationship. Don’t begin intercourse until you are 100% lubricated (naturally is preferable, of course) and ready. Good lovers want you to truly enjoy it too.
If your problem has more to do with vaginal dryness due to MS, there are tons of lubes out there that can help you out.
Liquid Silk Lubricant which is water-soluble, moisturizing, and doesn’t leave you sticky at all & Wet Platinum Premium Body Glide which is silicone based, never dries, leaves you moisturized, and does not break down condoms.
I’m also a fan of this one, but it can be sticky sometimes: KamaSutra Love Liquid, still I can’t think of any KamaSutra brand product that hasn’t been fun and safe. Their Oil of Love Collection is all kinds of fun and lets you try 5 of the flavors they offer – plus, any time you can add fun to sex, you’re more likely to achieve climax.
8.) Variety is the spice of life! It could be that you’re attributing your bad sex to MS when it’s got very little to do with it! Maybe you just need to spice up your sex life by changing up your routine. Maybe you need oral sex to get really excited. Who knows. It’s your body. Just experiment some, and be patient with yourself and your partner. Sex is not a race to orgasm, despite what TV or movies might have us believe. If it were, I don’t think tantric sex would ever have gained popularity. (Don’t worry – the link’s to Discovery Health – not a porn site!)
This site has some good info on massage and achieving orgasm (but is NSFW):
Massage Techniques for Lovers
These sites are much more scientific and totally work-friendly:
Exploring the Mind-Body Orgasm
Sex and Intimacy in People Living with MS
Lastly, here are some book recommendations if you want to read more:
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness
Enabling Romance: A Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships for People with Disabilities (and the People who Care About Them)
Sexual Function in People with Disability and Chronic Illness: A Health Professional’s Guide
Hope this helps any of you who are having these kinds of issues.
Please, let me know if you know other ways to combat MS related sexual dysfunction! Leave me a comment!